Shaken up

Oh mny god, I I’m not really sure how to begin. I’m shaken up, and its late. I feel like I shouldn wake someone up and tell them what’s happened to me, but I’d feel like an idiot. Oh god that was just the the most horrible thing I’ve ever experienced.

About two hours ago I was awake and wandering aroud the house, I couldn’t sleep, and I thought maybe I would warm some milk and browse on the computer since that’s what I’ve been doing the past few days, but I noticed wer were completely out of milk. Thankfully the store is open 24 hours, and I know Satrah always has cereal in the morning, so I thought I may as well go out to get some. I took some of the change Gordon keeps in a jar, for emergencies, and went out.

I went in, bought the milk, and after I left and was walking home, I ntocied a man slumping against the wall of a closing-down video store. I thought he was homeless and intending to break in, at first, and I felt sorry for him so I wasn’t going to call any attention to it. I tried to slink by but he reached out towards me, and it sounded like he was in so much pain. I was concerned, I stopped and asked if he was alright. He wasn’t bvery comprehensible, I got closer, and he gripped my arm so tight. He was burning up, I think from a fever, and his face. He looked almost like a leper, he was in such a horrible state.

I think he croaked something like ‘It’s yours now’ and then slumped against me – I screamed, I didn’t know what to think, dropped the milk. I managed to push him off, but when he hit the wall I realized he must have had a heart attack. I ran back to the store and had them call an ambulance, and was forced to wait while they came and collected him. They asked me questiions about whether or not I knew him, what his condition was, how I felt. I felt horrible chills, and sick to my stomach, but I didn’t tell them that – I knew it wasn’t because I was sick, it was because I’d just watched a man die.

I haven’t been able to stop crying, I I don’t know what to do.

I don’t think I can tell Gordon. He wouldn’t understand. And of course I don’t want to tell the kids.

I feel so alone right now.