Half the pack

I didn’t throw the cigarettes away, but I did hide them. Sarah couldn’t have gotten to them, I’m certain, and Brendan is very health-conscious for his age. I know he’s developing that rebellious streak, all to impress this girl Jill (it is Jill, I found out) but I’m sure he wouldn’t take them.

But more than half the pack is gone, and I don’t remember smoking them. Gordon has never smoked a day in his life. He hasn’t even had a drink since graduating college.

Maybe I’m smoking them just so he can yell at me when he tastes them on my breath. Maybe I’d like to see some passion in him for once, like when we were teenagers. I miss those days.

Did I write that? I’m sure that I didn’t. I can’t be smoking those cigarettes, either, the first one made me ill. I’m smoking one right now.

I I have a cigarette in my mouth. It wasn’t there a moment ago.

Am I going crazy? This isn’t mine. This isn’t me. I wasn’t writing those things, I don’t understand what’s going on.

I’m going to go put out this cigarette and get some air. I’m feeling a little dizzy.